Remember these guys? Oh whats that? You never see them out in public because they are too busy getting laid all the time? Well one of the advicelords spotted these guys in the wild. The only thing more sweet than their shirts was their sweet ride.
He Clearly Gets Laid All the Time
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I have this guy friend that I’ve know for about 3 years and a few months ago i started liking him as more then just a friend, and he told me that he liked me too. But he doesn’t seem to want me as a girlfriend. He’s never had a girlfriend before and he says that he doesn’t want to hurt me. But were HS juniors so it’s not like he’s too young or anything. I really want him to be my boyfriend but I’m soo not into asking him myself. I think he should be the one asking me. I’m just sick of waiting around, and I’m starting to wonder about his real intentions and what he wants. Ever since school started up again, he’s been acting weird around me. Like he kinda ignores me and doesn’t seem to wanna talk like we used to. I think you should know also, that he’s like Mr. perfect, he has straight A’s, he’s a good athlete, hes unbelievably well mannered and hes soooooo cute! If you have any good advice about what I can do right now, I’d love to hear it.
Thank you
Svetlana Khorkina
Dear Svetlana Khorkina:
Its always nice to see that Advicelord has found its way in front of a Russian. Nothings better to see our former red “friends” visit this site. You should have some of your “Great” country’s leaders visit here we could give them some pretty good advice. However you probably aren’t even Russian. We know your secrets, we know exactly what you’re hiding. You can try and hide behind some bogus nickname but we know the truth.
We are almost positive that Svetlana is not a very common name among Russian-Americans, so there for we are gonna see what we can get from your “nickname”. While trying to figure out what this odd name meant one of our male staff recognized the name, please take note that this member has some strange fetish for women’s gymnastics for some reason, as the name of one of the best female Russian gymnasts. So we were thinking, why on earth would someone want to impersonate an anorexic or bulimic. We came up with the conclusion that it would be someone that is most likely the opposite of a skinny tall athletic Russian? Of course how could we have missed it, its so obvious you’re a short and rather, hmm what’s the word we are looking for, THICK Puerto Rican women.
After realizing that we had over looked that point, the pieces of the puzzle all fell in place. So you’re an over weight, opps we apologize, we meant “thick” high school junior. You recently made a move on one of your good friends. We agree with you, this guy must really be perfect, he would have to be to keep someone with your rather “unique” description as a friend for a whole 3 years and of course we cant forget about the few months. We are sure he must be a good friend, and probably that’s all he ever wants to be. Come on think, why would some one that’s ” like Mr. perfect, has straight A’s, is a good athlete, is unbelievably well mannered and is soooooo cute” ever want to be more then friends with someone like you? He was being generously nice, just being your friend, but looks like you ruined that by forcing the poor guy to tell you he likes you. We are agreeing with his choices to avoid/ignore you. Because we all know we would be doing the same thing from the start.
Well those are our words of wisdom, good luck on your search for a date, because we all know you will need it.
-A.L.
Unicorn Your Site
Tags: advice · datingNo Comments.
Dear Advicelord, I have a predicament that is really irking me. You see, I’m painfully shy (I’ve been so since I can remember). I have a terrible time going up and trying to start a decent conversation with people, and even a worse time if I am somewhat attracted to that person. It’s dehilibatating and frusterating. There is this one guy that I ride to school with who I really would like to know. He seems nice, but I’m so afraid to be rejected by him that I feel like I’m paralyzed. Please help me try to approach him and just people in general.
Thank you
hiding behind a shell
Dear hiding behind a shell:
First things first. Try not to use big words. Your attempts to do so created the brand new words: dehilibatating and frusterating. If it were up to us, we’d allow you to go through life making up new words. We find it amusing, but we’re here to help.
Look, it’s ok to be shy. Not everyone was born with a website that they use to mask their insecurities. We view shyness as a crutch. People always rely on their shyness to get out of uncomfortable situations. It’s easy to blame your loser life on being shy, but you don’t want to have to sit in the front of the bus for ever. Listen up.
Adopt the IDGARAA (I Don’t Give A Rat’s Ass Attitude) when it comes to life. If you talk to this guy and he doesn’t like you what happens? You feel horrible right? Of course, but that’s normal. Think of it this way. The worst thing that can happen to you if you fall is that you hit the ground. When you think about it, that’s not that bad.
Life is full of uncomfortable situations. Running away from them will lead you into the arms of a boring life. Take a chance. You won’t regret it. We also hear that wearing low cut blouses can help cut the ice.
-A.L.
Tags: advice · dating · rejection · shyNo Comments.
I’ve been thinking about getting my lip pierced and was wondering what the risks are.
Thank you
gypsyrose
Dear gypsyrose:
Are you serious? People with lip rings are interesting to us. If you get a lip ring, you may as well get a big sign that says: “Look at me! I want to be different! I want everyone to know that I’m so insecure with myself that I need to put a pretty titanium rod through my lip.”
We once saw a kid that had his lip ring torn off his mouth during an argument. He was British and some kind of royalty. His blue blood ended up being pretty damn red. One of the staff members from advicelord.com actually sent him a bill because blood splattered on his Keds. He hasn’t received a response. Damn royals…..
-A.L.
Tags: advice · attention whore · piercings1 Comment
I’m going into high school next year, and i want to get in really good shapeto attract guys. Also I need help with putting on make-up. Do you have advice that can help me?
Thank you
beccaroo24
Dear beccaroo24:
Yeah. We don’t really care about your letter because frankly, you’re an idiot. You’re going to be one of those girls that allows boys to take advantage of you for attention. It’s too bad that your mom has given you a bad example by trying to get you a daddy for the last 13 years.
Actually, scratch that. In order to get guys you have to come up with a special talent. You should learn how to ice skate while drinking tequila shots. That would be awesome. Actually, if you do that we’ll sponsor your career. You can skip the skating leotard. What we’ll have you do is make a faux leotard made completely from sour cream. Wow. That’s awesome.
-A.L.
Tags: advice · attracting guys · dating · tequilaNo Comments.
advice needed about what to do after being charged :goods in personal custody suspected being stolen(m/v),section 527c(1)(A) and also:be carried in conveyance taken without consent of owner T2 section154a(1)(B)
Thank you
lk
Dear lk:
We’re not lawyers. We’re not going to even bother taking the time to answer your question. We do, however know your real issue.
We know about the shadow in your life. We know. Stop hiding your love for midgets. You love them. It’s time that you let the world know.
Your brief legal letter screams at us and we felt it was our obligation, nay, duty, to let the world know of your issue. You try to be politically correct and call them “little people”, but you can’t. You like the way the letters m-i-d-g-e-t rolls off your tongue.
This all started during that Star Trek convention back in 92. You shook one of their hands and your journey began. You shook her nubby little hands and you felt like you had a couple of warm, baby carrots in your hand. The feeling of wanting to put her hands in your mouth was overcome, but it never went away.
Her bow legged jiggle sent shivers down the nape of your neck and you try to hide behind your legal jargon without success. Just come out already. We know that you want to walk around the next convention with a midget on your shoulders. We know. We understand.
Baby carrots are yummy.
-A.L.
Tags: advice · baby carrots · laws · midgets · secretsNo Comments.
i really like this guy and he is dating another girl should i tell him that i like him?
Thank you
guru
Dear Guru:
We’ve all been in similar situations. That is, unless you go to a Parochial school of some kind where any contact other than passing the choir book can get you expelled. First thing that comes in your head should be “Am I better looking then the girl he has now?”
Let’s face it, if you can’t offer him more than he already has, there would be no reason for him to dig you. Be honest. Would you trade a cute, little, shiny Corvette for an old beat up Geo Metro? Nah. Don’t worry. We’re here. You still have one more option if you don’t have what it takes to make him forget this chick.
You can wait it out. Be a friend to the guy even though he is going out with another chick. This can take time, so this guy better be worth it if you chose this path. You have to wait until they break up. Come on now, don’t look down just yet. From the looks of your letter you seem to be in high school, so the longest you will most likely have to wait is a few weeks.
All those chocolate covered soy nuts making you impatient? Worse yet, they’re making you break out looking nasty? Do this: You get a bat and hide around the corner and as soon as the girlfriend walks by you aim for the nose. You aim for the nose because if you miss you will still hit something on the face. Then run. Odds are that after this event you will be prettier than her and you can move in on your man.
Last option not recommended. Stop eating candy.
-A.L.
Tags: advice · dating · stealing a manNo Comments.
i am 22 wks pregnant and moving 2 a new house the babys father wants to move in but i need advice on a joint claim would i still get housing benefit and how much money would we get as a couple can u give me as much advice as possible on what wed be entiled to and what to do
Thank you
yazmine
Dear Yazmine:
You are pathetic. Yo’ baby daddy want to move in with you and the only thing holding you back is you’re unsure if you’ll get as much or more money from the government? Why don’t you send his fertile a++ out to get a job to support you? Better yet, why the hell don’t you go out and get a job?
People like you ruin it for the entire world because you’re lazy. Now, you may be handicapped or something along those lines and if you are we’re sorry. If you’re paralyzed from the neck down please accept our apologies. If you are unable to move anything…….well, your boyfriend/manfriend/uncle/cousin/guy-you-met-at-7/11 is freaky deaky.
Our point? Sell your computer that you’re using right now and start putting money away for your kid. Empty out the jar you use to buy Newports. Try your damndest to be able to raise a child who doesn’t have to be supported by welfare. Teach your child some pride.
-A.L.
Tags: advice · baby daddy · money · pregnant · selling babiesNo Comments.
A FRIEND OF MINE HIRED AN ATTORNEY IN COLO. PAID 15000.0 UP FRONT FOR A FLAT RATE FEE, WE HAVE BEEN TOLD THAT COLO. NOW HAS A LAW AGINST FLAT RATE FEES, PLUS WE FEEL THIS MAN DID NOT EARN HIS MONIES, IF YOU GO BY HIS HOURLY PRICE IT WOULD BE 68HRS, HE WOULD HAVE TO PAD IT TO EVEN BE 10 HRS, CAN YOU PLEASE GIVE ME ADVICE ON HOW TO HANDLE THIS. WE HAVE SPOKEN TO THE SAID ATTORNEY AND HE SAID TO DO WHAT EVER WE FEEL WE NEED TO , HE IS NOT GIVING ANY MONEY BACK.
Thank you
DEBBIE
Dear Debbie:
Fifteen grand?!!???! Wow. That’s a lot of tricks. Ok, we checked with our lawyers on this one so listen close:
You need to create a paper trail. First, your friend should have monthly statements where her lawyers itemizes his month’s work. Most lawyers show itemized work. She should ask the lawyer to do so if he didn’t already do this. Second, your friend should write to the lawyer in question stating her concern. Always try to have everything you can in writing.
If your friend can’t resolve her issue with the lawyer then she can file a complaint with the Colorado Supreme Court: Colorado Supreme Court. Your state makes it VERY easy to file a complaint against a lawyer. The best thing is that the lawyer can NOT retaliate against your friend. It takes 20 minutes to file the complaint and you can do it over the phone without filling out ten thousand forms.
THANK YOU Colorado! Advicelord.com: Making sure the MAN doesn’t keep you down.
-A.L.
P.S.
Next time don’t use all CAPS, it pisses us off.
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I am 29 year old female and I have a boyfirend who is 34. I am mexican/euro-american and he is black but panamanian. Okay here is my problem he left his cell phone home today and I swear, it was starimg at me so, i picked it up. I was looking through his phonebook and I noticed a few names I dont recogognize. how do I approach him on this? I called one and a man answered then a couple minutes later his phone rang and it was the number I had just called so I said hello and there was silence. so then i called the number back and it was a female she said we must have crossed wires or something. I am not stupid!!! I feel like I know where he is all the time and this number is long distance so I dont know how to handle this please give me some good advice. We have been together 11 years and have 2 kids
Thank you
nosy cellphone
Dear Nosy Cellphone:
What the hell is a Mexican/Euro-American? How do you expect us to even pay attention to the rest of your letter if you’re using a term with which we’re not familiar. Are you ashamed of who you are or are you trying to be someone you’re not?
We really can’t stand people that are afraid to talk about their heritage. Take the Argentineans for example. Seriously.
Argentineans do not consider themselves Latin American. They are “Europeans”. That’s great. We understand that your family may have come from England 50 years ago, but if you were born and raised in Argentina that makes you one Latin American Argentinean.
Mexican Euro-American? Sister please. Do you like tacos and have bad teeth? Do you dig guacamole and don’t shave your pits? Seriously. What the hell is a Mexican/Euro-American? Are you embarrassed of being Mexican and have to parade the fact that your great great great great grandmother had a tryst with a boy named Pablo who was 1/25th white so you go around saying that you’re “euro-american”.
Oh, by the way, your boy friend is cheating on you and has 7 kids with women who are 100% Mexican and proud of it.
-A.L.
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